dedicated just for you
it's saddening to see how things works.
despite knowing you for long,
i've never share anything with you.
not even a simple thing.
it's very weird.
it's hard to see others do it so easy
but when it comes to you,
everything seems so hard.
i've never tell you how i felt.
but you know i still love you.
so please, get well soon.
cause i still need you :(
the day has finally arrived.
there isn't a need to wonder anymore.
cause for whatever happens next,
it will never make a difference.
i can be wrong at times.
but my guts never lie.
truth hurts,
but lying will just kill the heart.
one can keep things from everyone.
but it's never easy to bottle things up for long.
it's hard having the need to cry to sleep.
but it's even harder to control your tears infront of all.
especially when one hates to lie.
ohh dear,
please don't leave me hanging.
i hate this feeling!
i thought things could be different.
when you were around,
it gives me a peace of mind.
just by talking to you gives problem no airtime.
just as i thought you're the one whom i can trust and confide in.
but things have changed now.
i'm upset.
i dont know what's the cause.
i dont know what i've done wrong.
but i'm here saying this you,
i'm sorry.
i wonder if i ever exist in your eyes.
am i invisible to you?
i've never thought you would be so cold.
i'm sad.
day and night i think about it
hoping for the better
but all i got is tears rolling down the cheeks
i cried.
i wish things could have been different.
i wish all this could never happen.
but it's all too late now.
all i want you to know is that
i need you,
i miss you,
i miss you.
guess i really think alot,
even over the slightest thing.
but these days,
it was ntg else but my work.
someone told me TEP has turned me into a workaholic.
plus im seen doing everything for my mates.
idk how far i have to agree to that.
or maybe it's just a routine
to commit to things you're doing.
seriously, work this week has been pretty busy.
i was like working full shift this week.
and today was seriously the busiest.
i even had my things left undone just now.
for the fact, we're not allowed to stay behind for afternoon shift.
if we do, the 'opppps' wont be able to go home.
which is totally unfair.
so now i got to find a solution to get everything done by monday morning.
another challenge for me.
yeah, another interesting part.
i got home late on wed due to sch trg.
and i had to report to sch early morning the next day.
just like reporting for morning shift due to some reason.
was super tired out of tues and wed activities
that all i wanted was sleep.
yet, i still couldn't sleep well
only manage to get few hrs of sleep
(this pig here needs more. haha!)
reason?
for 3 hrs of time when i was closing my eyes,
the only picture that appears in my mind was
MY WORK!
3 hrs of time showing the full scene of my work for that wed.
how interesting right?
so much of not wanting to think about work,
it just appear for free!
its only week 2 of work.
and we've got lots to do alr.
plus seeing from the mails received and sent,
i can see im going to be busy the whole of next month.
stocks, promotion sales and many more.
by the time im done with the sales,
it's the end of my 1st stopover alr.
how sad.
so much of complaining to ppl about my stopover.
yet, i stil love doing this job and the 'pretty angels' :)
it's interesting how things changed in just a short period of time. they no longer work like before. and seriously, i miss it all. i miss those moments. the scene, atmosphere, smile, laughter, jokes and many more. they just keep appearing in my mind. knowing i have to let it go, i just cant.
this post is super lengthy.
and i think i shall end it here.
before i drag more about it.
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there's a say as time goes by, things changed.
so does human beings as their heart and feelings changes too.
it doesn't take long for things to change.
sometimes, all it takes is a split second.
or example, you hate this person so much
that you refuse to see his/her face.
but the next moment,
you realise you miss the person.
it's weird how the heart is able to play with the mind.
i've been thinking alot since the month started.
and i hate having this feeling.
it's killing me seriously.
i would rather have someone stabbing me from the back
rather than straight into my heart.
i knew this was somehow coming.
but i nvr took the effort to prepare myself.
it's like having a strong sense that it's going to rain heavily
though the dark clouds have yet to form.
still, you refuse to bring an umbrella out with you.
you get the picture?
hmmm.
just as i thought i would be fine when things started to be different.
but when someone asked about it, my reaction changed.
i couldn't answer the qn.
neither could i even speak a single word.
guess im just too weak for this.
and how stupid can i be to fall for your trap.
S-M-I-L-E
its not difficult to give a sincere smile when you're doing fine.
we all know that right?
but when some things are just not right about you,
it's even harder to fake it.
dont you think so?
guess readers are wondering what am i trying to say here.
well, its hard for me to explain.
but maybe i shall just let this be a question mark to everyone.
a story that is only known between me and the safety.
THE END!
wednesday and im half way through week 1.
things has been pretty interesting.
yet things can be complicated and challenging too!
but i shall take it in a positive way
and work towards achievements!
if its not for the sake of passion and love,
at least for my grades!
so far sch has been okay.
yeah, ppl always say its the first week.
but i shall maintain and improve on my work.
punctuality (i should maintain it).
discipline (pretty good but can be improve?).
work wise (many more to learn and execute them out as planned).
and i hope this mentality doesn't fade away.
im thinking more of my work then my trgs nowadays.
but i guess i need to think about my trgs as much as my work.
i need to able to multi-task and do well in both areas.
i need/want to score badly for this stopover.
at the same time, my attendance for trg is as important as work.
just like how i sign-in/out from work.
i need you
you need me
we both need one another
and i hope for this to last.
dont fly away again pls.
first day of school
im glad things goes pretty well.
luckily jadyne was around when the delivery man was arnd.
hehe! thanks alot though.
couple of shocking moments happening in the morning.
but yeah, manage to settle them quick.
pheww!
lunched with hairy in school before heading home.
fell asleep while waiting for time to shower.
so ended up being late for dinner with limin and wt.
so sorry people.
shall not write so long today.
cause my hands are busy entertaining the tissue boxes!
new syafizah's formula:
irritating running nose + painful ulcer + killer sore throat +weakening body
= it's killing me!!
meaning:
no more cold drinks (there goes my daily cup of milk?)
no more spicy food (holiday for all my favourite home cooked food)
plain water (shall be my bff)
hot drinks (not so bad, i can still have my tea)
proper diet (there goes all my cravings that i initially planned to have some of them this week)
im off for now.
my hands are busy with tissues!
think i can be a tissue girl alr.
haha!
i guess bad days are back again.
i believe in karma.
like what ppl always say,
what goes around, comes around.
and not everyday is sunday.
LUCK? is there even such a thing?
im even sure if i believe in luck now.
hmmm.
there are always ups and downs in life.
good times are just so great.
so happy that you became oblivious with your surroundings.
and when things go haywire,
that's where we start to pin point and brood over it.
individually, half of the mind will say all the positive things.
to forget about it, learn from the mistakes, make it up the next time, etc.
but on the other hand, there will be 'strangers' throwing all the negative thoughts.
it would be good if you can overcome those negative thinking.
but when you just cant and feel like there's a barrier to step on the positive side, you'll be so down.
so down that you cant even remember the meaning of smile.
not even being able to control yourself and your actions.
just see how the mind plays the game,
and how it decides our movement.
so readers, you know what im trying to say here?
if you dont, not to worry.
cause im not even sure what im typing.
just typing whatever my fingers click.
i need to regain myself back quick!
where are you pm??
updates updates!
finally its FRIDAY!!
the day i've been looking forward to.
for a reason, meaning weekend is here!
haha!
so, sch has been okay so far.
get a lil more busy as days goes by.
fariza ended her tep while i started mine.
handover has finaly taken place.
everything in the shop is now under our responsiblity.
stocks done yest.
and today we attend the shop on our own in the afternoon shift.
feeling is great.
yet, many things was learned.
from new things to own mistakes.
just got to do better the next time.
hopefully i'll enjoy myself in there!
quick update.
schooling is starting soon for most NYP-ians.
but mine has somehow started?
thanks to TEP!
but like what peng you said,
soon i'll enjoy myself.
so i guess i shall look at the bright side?
that sounds so familiar.
hahaha!
so, TEP orientation has finally started.
the day i've long NOT been waiting for!
thurs/fri shall be the handover.
and im praying hard i'll do well for this stopover.
26 module credits in 2 stopovers.
either i do well and increase my gpa,
or do badly and pull everything down
and forget about getting into uni!
now that TEP has somehow started,
im not too sure how often i'll even update this blog.
it might even be as good as dead of a period of time?
but i shall ensure the tagboard on the left will still be alive!!!
haha!
till here, my eyes are closing any minute.
DAYS OF HELL is finally here!
someone save me pls!!!!
saturday will be a long and tiring day for me.
and it would be few more hours before it arrives.
but im alr feeling very restless and tired.
and i can forsee im going to be tired when i woke up tmr morning.
ohh pls! i hope to regain my energy by morning.
i'll need every single bit of them for tmr's gameS!
my right hand hurts to the core now.
and i mean really hurts!
i cant seem to grip my hands properly.
i just hope i can bare with the pain long enough tmr.
if not, there's no way i can play.
im playing a game that needs to grip a stick FIRM!
goodness, why am i facing such things at this time?
what a luck.
reminder for myself:
1. plenty of rest tonight
2. drink lots of water for hydration
3. bananas after noon game for energy
4. prepare myself mentally and im half way through the battle!
one of my friend shared this video with me.
melted my heart for a moment.
and i think its super cool.
damn creative!
how i wish i can have a bf to do this for me on my birthday or anniversary?
haha! guess that wont happen till i create a new bf character like in some games.
haha!
note: if its taking too long to load, you can always view it @
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2pLHLOnG6I&feature=related
or
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYd75dJ9o7I
today was simply great!!!
i love it to the max!
okay, minus the trg part for some reason.
some might know why.
finally the day has arrived.
after planning for so long,
the pri sch mates finally meet up!
though many couldn't turn up,
we had lots of fun though.
sabri, khalis, shikin, afiqah (left before lunch) and joanne!
okay, not that i haven't met them for ages.
infact i meet them quite often.
cause of school and hockey.
haha!
lunch with them was a BLAST!
we just couldn't stop laughing.
thanks to the 2 handsome jokers.
were updating on our friends
and even gossiping about our own teachers and principals!
we're so evil! but benefit in a way that we had lots of fun!
those moments simply cannot be erased.
time when we were still young and playful.
i wish i could go back to those times.
and think im lucky enough im still in contact with them up to this date.
meeting up quite often and still sharing the same interests!
after lunch, invited friend along for movie.
cause she didn't have any plans for the day.
a horror movie turned into a comedy?
haha! seriously, was damn hilarious in the cinema!
then, starbucks before heading down for trg.
and i shall say I REALLY LOVE ALL OF THEM! :D
a day with all of you is enough to make go crazy!
more to come during sch break!!
and to my friend, thanks for coming down.
plus offering me your jacket and accompanying me all the way.
sorry to make you travel all the way though.
will accompany you home the next time. hehe! =)
its second day of the week.
and the second time im woken up by a call from my beautiful sleep!
okay, its no longer early in the morning for working ppl.
but a sleepyhead like me will still be sleeping at the time you call.
rahh! no more sweet dreams ever since last week =(
got a call not long ago from the sch
im not surprise though.
i was finally told where im posted to for my TEP!
MSC! okay, i wouldn't mind there.
but MSC ____!!
so much of looking forward to it,
now i changed my mind.
the place is so not me!!!!
i can smell my grades falling down from mt. everest!
goodness!
the orientation will be this friday.
10am to 6pm!!!
like a full schooling hours!
seriously, the latest i end sch is at 5pm arh!
but the point here is, 8hrs of orientation we'll be WIB!!
the super actually pointed out black TOP-TO-TOE!!
black top, black jeans and black shoe!!!!!
it would be a super hot day arh (okay, maybe some aircon)!
SOMEONE SAVE ME PLS!!!
and peng you, changing your pn is not part of helping me!!!
rahh! i need the emergency now!!
exit: i totally didn't see that coming. its like a bullet through the heart when it came out from your mouth. its so painful that it still hurts even after i woke up.